The Banana Splits
by ice around the moon
Summary: In which dinner is served with the "Birds and the Bees."


**Authors Notes: **Ahem. _Happy Birthday, to you! Happy birthday, to you! Haaaaaappy Birthdaaaay, dear Shannon, Happy Birthday, to yoooou~!_

So... yeah:) Birthday fic for my beta, if you haven't already guessed yet. This is soooo freaking late, like three weeks late, but the plot bunny hopped my way at 1:00 this morning, so, friggit, I'm going to use him. ;D

Anywhos. Happy Birthday, songfire15, you're the Timon to my Pumbaa and the Optimus to my Prime;p love ya, babe! With Sokka's pants;p

****Whistles to get your attention** **Claire, Toby, and Julie are NOT OC's! Claire is from the first movie, Toby and Julie are in the Squeakquel. K?

_**Padamay Seville: **_An OC of mine. In my stories, she's Toby's sister and Dave's niece. Also teenage guardian to the chipettes. Hoorah.

_**Jaxon Peters: **_Another OC, Padamay's BF.

**888**

I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks

The Banana Splits

**888**

To say the silence stretching across the dining room was "tense" was a complete understatement. Everyone sitting at the table was on the very edge of their seats, ready to jump clear out of their skin and right through the roof at the very smallest sound. The clearing of a throat or the tiniest _cling _of a fork against a plate would set them all off, so nobody moved to eat or even breathe in the silence.

Dinner had not began like this. No, it was quiet the opposite, actually. All occupants of the crowded table had been thoroughly enjoying the traditions of telling humorous memories, complete with wild gestures and imitated tones, while sneaking bits and pieces of the massive Thanksgiving feast cluttering the rosy table cloth. Every glazed, steaming dish was sure to put a good two pounds, plus maybe a heart attack, on whoever was strong enough to wrestle a bite and cram it into their mouths before it could be snatched away. The smells of turkey, ham, beans, rolls, and mashed potatoes with gravy were agonizingly delicious, and the shear sight of the food made restraint no easier.

After a hurried grace was said by Dave, Simon opened his eyes, contently letting his gaze wander, perfectly fine with allowing everyone else to serve themselves before he reached for any food. Living in the wild, he knew a good bit of not having the choice of food he desired, but since all the food on the table was quiet desirable, the munk would be patient-for a moment or two.

The blue eyed munk absently shifted his gaze across the gold walls, ghosting over pictures of fruit and family members as animistic growls of claimed food began to fill the air. From the corner of his eye, Simon saw his red hooded brother flatten his ears and bare his teeth at Toby, who quickly recoiled from the roll he had been reaching for.

Simon hummed softly as his gaze drifted over the archway leading to the hall, lingered on a few photos of himself and his brothers, then to the open window, where cool evening air was lazily moving through.

And then his heart stopped.

Jeanette's ears flicked at the sound of strangled choking. She curiously turned to Simon and saw that his eyes were tripled in size and unblinking. The chipette slowly arched an eye ridge in both amusement and question, but the munk's look of frozen horror did not waver one bit.

Seeing that Simon apparently couldn't move to glare at her seeing some hilarity in his expression or clear up her puzzlement, Jeanette took a sip of her soda, which was glassed in a porcelain cup from a miniature tea party set, and followed his gaze across the crowded room and to the window, and saw what her counterpart was seeing.

The indigo eyed chipette practically shrieked into her drink, which was difficult to do around a mouth full of Coke, and proceeded to roughly cough and violently hack as she choked on the liquid.

By the time she was finished, all eyes were turned to her and the food battles paused, minus Alvin murmuring some interesting things to a chicken leg, which matched him height for height, he was snatching from Dave's plate.

Jeanette flustered when she realized she was in the spotlight and tried to busy herself with coughing up the rest of her Cola, her wide eyes cast down.

"You okay, Jean?" The voice was the highest of all the furry rockstars, easily recognizable as Eleanor's. Jeanette nodded wordlessly and swallowed hard. She warily looked to Simon, who was still sporting the "deer in headlights" look. The chipette glanced up and saw that all eyes had shifted to him, and she quickly rammed her foot into Simon's ankle despite the fact that everyone could see the action because they were each sitting on a stack of numerous books. Simon hissed through gently bared teeth and snapped his gaze down to his plate, where he fixed his expression and pretended to be fascinated with his shiny butter knife.

From the edge of her vision, Jeanette saw Brittany frown and turn to the window. The indigo eyed chipette inwardly groaned just as Simon caught on and let his head hit the edge of the table in defeat.

It was then that everybody turned to the window and saw the exact same life scarring sight they had.

Awkward silence quickly filled the room and only grew thicker as everyone slowly turned to Theodore and Eleanor, who's eyes were innocently wide at the strange display of two grasshoppers mating on the windowpane.

Everyone, even the people sitting at the table of different blood than the Sevilles, knew just by looking at the sweet, sheltered eyes of Eleanor and Theodore, that neither of them knew what birds had to do with bees. It was also clear by the family's identical looks of horror, that they had all been putting it off for as long as they could.

"_Someone call Animal Planet," _Toby's date, Julie, murmured as she shook her head of black locks. After that was said, Toby stared at his knife, then Julie, then to his knife, then back to Julie. His girlfriend simply snorted into her drink with a roll of her eyes.

While gaping at the display, Dave had turned an odd shade of green. His gaze shot between Theodore and Eleanor as his heart began to suddenly beat hard and rapidly in his chest. He helplessly looked to Padamay and Toby, his infamous niece and nephew, who were sitting on either side of the green clothed fur balls. Without any hesitation what-so-ever, both siblings quickly and loudly scraped their chairs across the floor and away from Theodore and Eleanor, giving their uncle hard stares that would _not _give in. Padamay kept moving her seat until she hit her boyfriend's armrest. The young mechanic, preferably called Jaxon, sank low into his chair with perfectly round eyes and a deep blush.

Dave growled and bared his own set of teeth, a habit he picked up from his sons, as a heel connected firmly with his calf. He frowned at his wife of one year, Claire, who's eyes were large and bugged as she gestured wildly underneath the table, obviously indicating the need for him to do or say _something. _He sighed softly and looked up to the heavens for one long agonized moment before he gave his wife a nice smile that clearly said that he would not be doing anything at the moment.

"_Ugh!" _Not to surprisingly, it wasAlvin broke the thick air. Everyone jerked and twitched in their seat, startled and becoming increasingly paranoid as the seconds passed. The golden eyed munk gaped shamelessly at the grasshoppers. "I didn't know they could even_ do _that!"

Simon blindly clawed for his knife, eyes piercing and locked firmly on his brother. It took all of Jeanette's efforts to pull the blunt object from his paws while Brittany uselessly shook with silent laughter and Toby and Padamay quietly took bets on who would be killed for their insolence first: Brittany or Alvin.

"_Dave? Are you alright?" _

"_Yeah, yeah... it's, ah... just a little heart burn..."_

"Did you know they could do that?"

"Alvin, shut _up," _Simon growled, his claws elongating as they slid farther out of their sheaths.

Alvin scoffed. "Oh, come _on, _Simon! Don't act like you didn't know that grasshoppers could really-"

"Alvin! Let it go!" Jeanette cut in, her eyes bright with fury. She dared to cast Eleanor and Theodore a glance. They seemed to be completely in the dark about why the fighting had started, their heads crooked to the side with one eye ridge raised.

"_Are you sure you're okay?"_

"_Yeah, Claire, I'm f... fine..." _

"Guys, chill out," Jaxon said weakly, grimacing. "Just let it g-"

"What do you mean, _you'll rip me apart and sell my pelt on Ebay?" _Alvin said loudly, his brow creasing.

"_Guys-" _Jaxon tried to interrupt the argument once again and failed miserably.

"First off, Simon, I highly doubt a knife that stubby could really-"

"You wanna find out?" Simon dared just as loud, his eyeridges raising with mock curiousness.

"_Guys-" _Jaxon pressed.

"_SHUT UP!" _Alvin and Simon hollered in unison. The teen wisely shrunk back down into his seat.

Julie merrily dipped a piece of turkey into some gravy as she watched the display. Toby and Padamay were hungrily leaned forward into the fight, smirking as they waited for the winnings they were sure was going to come from the other sibling.

"_Dave, I'm calling an ambulance."_

"_Oh, don't call the hospital downtown!"_

"_Why not?"_

"_Hah... 'cause... hah... Alvin maxed out our... v-visits..."_

"_Why am I not surprised?"_

"And don't even get me STARTED about that time we saw those two grizzly bears out in the woods-"

"_ALVIN!" _Simon shouted in disbelief.

"-And we couldn't look Theodore in the eye for a whole freaking _month-"_

"_Dave? Dave!"_

"And then that time with the turtles, the birds, OH, and that one time with the two dogs outside Piggily Wiggly-"

"What are you even _talking about?"_

"_Padamay! Get your keys! There's no time to wait for an ambulance!"_

"Ah, yeah! Just one second, Claire Bear-"

"PADAMAY!"

"Arg, friggit, mah ears! Fine, I'm coming!"

"And it's not like they've never watched Discovery Channel before!" Alvin continued, throwing his paws into the air. "Have you _seen _some of the stuff they show on there? Be honest, now."

Simon pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head while Jeanette patted his back and glared heatedly at Alvin. "This is not happening, this is not happening..."

"Um, guys?"

All the commotion came to a dead stop at Theodore's soft voice. Silently, Eleanor pointed to Dave. Everyone looked to the chipmunk father sprawled out in his chair, clutching his chest and breathing violently hard.

Jeanette and Simon immediately knew what the signs meant. "Oh, munk, Dave!" Simon exclaimed, clawing at the fur on his head. The chipmunk turned to Claire, who was busy dumping the contents from Padamay's purse onto the floor. "Why didn't you _say _something, Claire?"

The blonde had the decency to just bark a laugh and hold her tongue.

**888**

"So. A stroke."

"Yep."

"I honestly never would have believed a person's body would react like that."

"Ha. React like a fish pressed between a waffle iron?"

"Exactly!"

Simon snorted indelicately, rubbing a paw over his tired eyes before he turned his gaze back up to the very few stars weakly twinkling through the harsh lights of Los Angeles. It was quiet chilly on the roof of the hospital, even if it was almost dawn. "Yeah, I never would have guessed either. Poor Jaxon had to sit by Dave the whole way here," the munk gestured to the hospital building beneath them. "I think Dave headbutted him from behind enough times to give him a concussion."

Jeanette snickered, peeling off a thin, dry pepperoni from the frail slice of pizza Toby had bought for them from the poorly supplied hospital cafeteria. The chipette made a face as she chewed the topping, then shuttered as she swallowed it. "Has anyone talked to Theodore yet?" she coughed, wincing.

"Yeah," Simon sighed, rubbing at the tight nerves of his neck. "Toby sat him down and-"

"_What?" _Jeanette asked, horrified.

"No," Simon said, waving a paw at her. "I mean he sat with him until Dave was awake enough to talk to him, jeeze."

"Oh," Jeanette breathed, running a hand through her fur. "You scared me."

Simon gave a few dry evil snickers as he stripped a layer of dry cheese from the undercooked pizza. "Anyone talked to Eleanor?"

Jeanette nodded solemnly. "Claire Bear."

Simon hummed sympathetically, wince.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while until Simon groaned and grimaced around a mouth full of flavorless cheese. "_I despise this food," he chewed. "I had a better chance of getting full in the woods. In the winter."_

Jeanette smirked. "Oh really?"

"Oh yeah," Simon nodded firmly, scoffing and rolling his eyes. His voice then turned soft as he smiled gently up at the stars. "We would wake up just before dawn and see who could eat the most dandelions before the Sun came up. They were a _lot _tastier than this stuff."

Jeanette's eyes crinkled sweetly as glancing up to the sky. "In Australia, there was a baby kangaroo who followed Brittany around."

Simon turned to her, chuckling startlingly. Jeanette grinned, continuing. "Yeah, he was a weird little thing. We called him Dingo." She smiled fondly, casting her eyes down. "I can't remember much more than that, actually. I mainly just remember it being so _hot, _and Eleanor would chase flies around all _day _and I would have to chase after her while Brittany ran around screaming about rabid joeys."

Simon smiled sincerely, glancing to the parting sky as the Sun began to rise over the buildings. "I'm guessing you don't miss it there?"

"Oh no," Jeanette quickly shook her head, eyes wide. "No, it's much more... more..." She trailed off, smiling at him. He smiled back, blindly moving his clawed hand into her grasp. "Yeah, it is, isn't it?"

She laughed and slyly coiled her hand into his hoodie, slowly pulling him forward to press her forehead against his. The delicate lenses of their glasses _clinked _together, their noses, cheeks, and chins lightly brushing. Simon sighed peacefully, the pulsing ache in his head dulling immensely, his shoulders sagging, and the tension that had gathered in his spine relaxing.

"You're purring," Jeanette murmured with dry amusement, the movement of her lips tickling his lightly. Simon shivered. "Kay, thanks for telling me," he replied absently.

He felt Jeanette tense as she pulled back slightly. He whined in question, which went by her ignored as she warily glanced over the ledge of the roof and asked, "Did you just hear Dave's window op-"

"_NAAAAAAANTS INGONYAMA, BAGITHI BABAAAAAAAA!"_

Simon growled. "I am going to slaughter my brother," he whispered darkly, reluctantly taking his warm forehead from hers, but not breaking all contact. He kept his clawed fingers intertwined with hers as he stood. "Care to join me?"

Jeanette smiled wickedly and allowed him to pull her up and against him. "Gladly."

**Authors Notes:** I wasn't sure how to write a S&J kiss. I kind of liked the idea of them not kissing better, just cuz, well, they're chipmunks, and... ya. Sowwy! Hope you liked anyways? :D

Welp. It's 3:22 in the mo'ning. I'm going to the midnight premiere of TF3 at 12:01 tomorrow, er, tonight? o.O Yeah, you get it. Uber excited about that;)

Hope you liked it, Shans! Virtual cupcakes fo' you:3


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